Drop By Drop

"Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord.  Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them." Colossians 3:18-19

In our feminist society, "submit" is viewed as a dirty word.  Submit? To HIM? No way.  It's a struggle, definitely.  I am a planner, so to submit to Mike is hard because I know he hasn't put as much thought into {whatever} as I have.  And don't even get me started on decisions concerning the kids!!!  NO ONE knows better than MOM, right?  My claws have come out many times to anyone who I think doesn't have my kids best interests in mind, including Daddy.  So to say I have struggled with submission over the years is not an exaggeration.  But, if we live our lives according to God's plan, there is great FREEDOM in submission.  First, obedience to God is always the best place to be.  So there's FREEDOM in knowing you're following His will.  Second, the word submit means "to give authority to another".  All decisions and responsibilities are transferred to someone else, our husbands in this case.  There is FREEDOM in that, too.  To know they will answer for the way they led their family.  They are not off the hook, they are to LOVE us and not be harsh with us.  They not only answer for decisions made, but the motivation behind those decisions.  Makes me glad for the chain of command that God set up! :) Submission isn't easy and sometimes LOVE isn't easy, but  when paired together, it is the BEST CASE SCENARIO! God created us and our relationships, so He knows what's best.  Trust Him.

"Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord.  Fathers, do not embitter your children, or they will become discouraged.  Slaves, obey your earthly masters in everything; and do it, not only when their eye is on you and to win their favor, but with sincerity of heart and reverence for the Lord."  Colossians 3:20-22

A definition I found for obey was "to be guided by".  I LOVE that.  Children are commanded to allow themselves to be guided by their parents. Because this pleases the Lord. This is another aspect of the "chain of command".  It's the way it's supposed to be.  Then, hinged on that, fathers (and mothers :) ) do not cause bitterness in your children.  The definition for  discourage is "to deprive of confidence. To try to prevent by disapproving". Did we learn nothing from Colossians 2:23, parents? The whole "because I said so" is not what we're looking for here.  We can give our kids regulations and force them to obey.  But, as 2:23 says "Such regulations indeed have an appearance of wisdom with their self-imposed worship, their false humility, and their harsh treatment of the body, but they lack any value in restraining sensual indulgence."  If we say "because I said so", what are they really learning?  To follow rules, but why?  If they have no idea  why the rule exists, they become discouraged.  For example...My son comes home and wants to go out with a friend. I know this friend is an "unsavory character".  So I say "No". He says "Why?" I say...drum roll..."Because I said so, that's why. And YOU, young man, are supposed to OBEY me." Ok, so he doesn't go out with the friend, but he has no idea why.  He becomes discouraged because I only prevented by disapproving.  IT IS OUR JOB TO GUIDE THEM!!! If they didn't need us to guide them, we could just move them into their own apartment when they start kindergarten.  It is our job to guide them.  Not just make a bunch of rules and regulations and then yell at them when they fail.  We are to INSTILL God's word into their lives.  The word instill means "to inspire or impress.  to put in DROP BY DROP."  I love that!  We can't expect them to get it over night, or through one speech, or through one family meeting covering all of the expectations.  We have to invest our lives into theirs, to be willing to put the values and morals from God's word into their lives DROP by DROP.  It's a life-time commitment. As parents, we need to remember our responsibility to instill, not just our children's responsibility to obey.

I often sing the words to an old Al Denson song to my kids when they're faced with a decision. "When it seems like nobody cares, it still matters what you do."  This is what Paul is saying to the "slaves". Which applies to everyone.  At work, at home, out in public or home in the dark, it matters what you do.  Not just when people have their eyes on you or you are trying to win their favor, but because you love God.  All of commands from God have the same motivation behind them...love.

Coincidence? I think not....

As many of you know, my oldest daughter, Kayla, got married in June.  We did a lot of shopping...I vowed to NOT go into a Hobby Lobby or Party City for several months after the wedding! However, something amazing has come out of one of our trips to party city....

We were checking out and I noticed that the cashier looked familiar.  I immediately realized she is a distant cousin who I have not seen in probably 10 -15 years. She is quite a bit younger than me, so I guessed she probably wouldn't recognize me.  I'm not one to say "Hey do you remember me?" putting that person on the spot, scrambling to try to be polite while admitting that no, they do not remember you.  So, I finally said, "Hi, I know you probably don't remember me, but your mom and my dad are first cousins and I remember you."  She actually did, after more lines being drawn (my grandma had just passed away the week before, so that part of the family was fresh on her mind; she had gone to church camp with us as a teenager...things like that.)  We reconnected for a minute, laughing about how you never know who you might run into.  (She even gave me the 30% family discount :) )

4 months later, I had a "random" dream about her.  I dreamed that we were all on vacation and she fell and got hurt.  I took her to the er for a very confusing visit (as most dreams are), she was very hurt but she got better. When I woke up, it seemed so real! So, I decided to message her on facebook. We're not even friends on facebook, so I was taking a chance that I would be considered REALLY creepy now!! :)  Here is a copy of the conversation that happened next....

• September 9

  Alicia Millikin

  • Hi there! This is probably the most random message you will ever get! I don't know if you remember, we reconnected at Party City, realizing we are related! (My maiden name is Alicia Wilks, glenn and melba's granddaughter). Well today, I had a dream that we were all vacationing together and you fell and got hurt. I took you to the ER and you got better! But anyway, it made me think of you and I took a minute to pray for you. Hope you're not really hurt but that you're having a great weekend! Alicia
• 

  about an hour ago

  SaraBeth Herrera

  • Hi there sorry its taken so long to respond back and yes i remember you and your beautiful daughter its amazing just how god lets you know things because unfortunatly i have been going through chemo i have breast cancer. I think god was using you to tell me things are ok i think thats just amazing! Im half way through the treatment and from the first i knew i was in good hands for i was in Gods hand but i think He knew i needed encouragement and here we are thank you for listening to His message and praying over me. I hope this is not the strangest text you have recieved back lol

• • 
    Wow!!  God is amazing!! Never hesitate to take the time  to pray for someone God has laid on your heart (even if it's in a "random" dream)!!  And never forget to let them know you prayed for them!  
    
    Pray for SaraBeth, she is only around 30 years old.
    

Colossians

If Momma ain't happy....

"She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life."  "As Solomon grew old, his wives turned his heart after other gods, and his heart was not fully devoted to the Lord his God, as the heart of David his father had been."

Females can be manipulative . I know this because, when googling "manipulative women", I came across several sites that warned of  the "tricks" of a manipulative woman. According to askmen.com, the tricks are: tears, bribery and rewards, flattery, friend recruitment, provoking jealousy, withdrawal, and playing dumb/helpless.  It even offered the men a "counterattack" plan.  The article starts with the statement  "Guess what, guys: Women don't play fair, especially when they want something and you stand between them and their goals. Female manipulation tricks are legendary, and they aren't about to stop any time soon." (Maybe Solomon should have read this article!!)

I KNOW the amount of influence I have with my husband.  He is my best friend and biggest fan.  He respects my opinion (and sometimes even ASKS for it :)  )  SURELY I wouldn't use that influence for motivation or control? I know better.  Right?  Well...

I miss Mike when he's at work.  I watch the clock, waiting for 4 o'clock.  When our girls were little, we even had a special song we sang to celebrate Daddy coming home.  But some days (a lot of days? MOST days?) I'm grouchy. And within about 5 minutes of coming home, Mike will be grouchy, too.  Because I have THAT much influence over him.  I can set the course of our evening with a few harsh words or a few rolls of the eyes.  I can pretend that it's not my fault-- he shouldn't base his decisions and actions on me.  It's not MY responsibility. But, in so many ways, it IS my responsibility.  Because God's Word says it is...It's my job and my calling as a (potential) Proverbs 31 wife.  I need to bring good, not harm, to Mike.  Not only  when he deserves it and not only when I feel like it.  ALL the days of my LIFE.  




May it never be said of me that I TURNED Mike's heart toward other gods. I can get all high and mighty and say "well of course I would never do that. I love God and serve Him, too".  But, I CAN turn his heart away from me, and away from God in the process.  If all I can show him is  frustration, disappointment, jealousy, complaints, grief, hatred, blame....then I have become one of those manipulative women who I judged so harshly.  


Let's prove the article wrong...let's play fair with our husbands.  No manipulating, no controlling, no "turning on the tears".  Let's give our husbands a Proverbs 31 wife. :)
 

I am on my soapbox.....

Soapbox #1--I was making supper a few weeks ago and Landon was watching "A.N.T. Farm".  I was not really paying attention to what was going on in the episode, it was just "background noise".  But, a line from the show broke my concentration and made me MAD!!  The episode was centering on the plot that the school intended to do a production of "Grease" but were unable to get the rights.  So they had to come up with an alternate play.  They tossed a few ideas around, including approaching the teacher. He said "If I could write a play, do you think I would be a teacher?"  Ok, I getcha,  a little self-deprecating humor.  Then later on in the episode, the students needed a word spelled (or something trivial) and the teacher said "If I could spell words, do you think I would be a teacher?"  Ask my kids, I was ticked!!  What in the world kind of agenda do we have going on here?  Don't we want to encourage our kids to respect their teachers?  I could see (I guess) if this show was written by CHILDREN, but it's not!  And the fact that I have 2 daughters in college, both getting degrees in education, only adds to my anger.  I want my children to be respected by the people they have prepared themselves to teach!!!

Soapbox #2--"GCB"...Good Christian Bitches or Good Christian Belles...I think we all know which one will get the most publicity.  Last night, we watched a simulcast of a video called "Love Costs Everything" and the statistics prove that Christians are the most persecuted group on the planet.  People in places like Iraq, Colombia and India are giving their lives for Christ and for His cause.  I read an article about "GCB" and it said it's just some good-natured, self-deprecating humor by Christians themselves.  I've heard Kristen Chenowith is a Christian (I like her so nothing against her).  But the ones involved in this really should be ashamed of themselves for making fun of Christians or Christianity. Yes, of course, we're known in America as being pious and loving our potlucks...but do we have to capitalize on that?  Is that the best way to get attention as a follower of Christ?  It makes me ashamed that many Christians are terrified in their homes and towns because of the stand they are making on Christ's behalf; while all we seem to want as Americans is to get a good "yoink yoink" at our own expense. :(  

Ok, I'm done now.  I think I need a nap.

I'll Miss You Next Year....

Our kids write a letter to Santa every year to leave with the milk and cookies.  Sometimes they write a corporate letter-some years they write individual little notes. Santa always writes back, thanking them for the treats and for being SOOOO good this year.  :)  (Santa is never very good at disguising his handwriting, so they usually know it was Daddy!)

Another tradition our family does on Christmas is the kids always sleep together on Christmas Eve.  My brothers and I used to do this, and we've continued the tradition in our own family.  They  decide whose room they will sleep in, then proceed to bring every pillow, blanket and stuffed animal they own into that room.  We sometimes track Santa and we always read a book called "Alabaster's Song" (a cute  book about a little boy who can't sleep so he talks to the angel on top of the tree. )  Once the kids have written their note to Santa, put out milk and cookies and read the book, they settle in to sleep.  That's when Santa's job begins....

Mike and I, before we "play Santa" usually end up dozing off, only to wake up panicked at around 2 am.  So then Mike has to choke down the cookies and milk (although I admit there's been times he's just poured it down the sink...even Santa has his limits.)  We get all the presents organized and then we read the letter and get ready to respond.  This year, the kids wrote individual notes.  Landon asked about the reindeer, thanked Santa for the presents and wished him a nice trip.  Jenna wished Santa a safe trip and said hello to Mrs. Claus, along with saying Thank You.  Kayla said "Merry Christmas Santa, I'll miss you next year.  Love you."
That's when Santa's jolly laughter turned to sobs.

Kayla's getting married this year.  This was our "last" Christmas, just the 5 of us.  Don't get us wrong, we are so excited for her and we couldn't be prouder to have Miles as a son-in-law.  Mike and I look back on our first Christmas as a married couple and how special that was; and we wish that and more for them.  But thinking of this being our "last" Christmas really got to both of us. This has been our normal for 22 years.  All of our children together, snuggled in, waiting for Santa.  So although it was late (early?) we snuck into the kids room and just watched them sleep.  We savored it for one last time. We'll miss you next year, too....